How To Make Emotionally Intelligent Friendships
What’s the benefit of listening more and having greater emotional intelligence? Better relationships.
Emotional intelligence (EI) is complex1, but one of the best ways to increase it is simple: learn how to be a good listener. Listening is the golden ticket, the unsung hero of the social Olympics.
Everyone wants to be the podcast; nobody wants to be the audience.
Use what experts call the “SLANT method”: Sit up, Lean forward, Ask questions, Nod your head, Track the speaker.
When you really listen to someone, you’re giving them a psychological hug. You’re saying, “I see you, I hear you.” It’s about making them feel like they’re the most important person in the room.
The biggest mistake people make in this arena is thinking that the listening itself is the only part. Nope. You need to make it clear to the other person that you’re listening…
Research shows people like to talk about stuff they’re familiar with, that they have a connection to. Everyone likes to chatter about the things they know and love. “Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.”
What if someone is kinda boring? Ask them what their first thought was when it occurred. Ask them what they felt. Were they terrified? Were they confident they could handle it? Do they feel differently about it now that some time has passed?
Looping is when you repeat the last few words someone just said. It shows you’re paying attention and encourages them to continue.
Things get heated. Maybe you’re discussing politics. Ask yourself, “What disagreement about values underlies this argument?”