Emotionally Intelligent to Communicate
Being a parent is a job as exausting as it is exhilarating, as thankless as it is rewarding. 1
A few tweaks in yout communication style can reduce the intensity and duration of conflict, get them to behave better and improve your relationship with them.
You have a better chance of being heard if they feel they’ve been heard first. If you skip the “listen” part and go straight for “lecture”, well, now you’re just white noise, a dull buzz in the background of their profoundly absurd existence.
Don’t tell them how wrong or rude they are. Neutrally, tell them how you feel or what you want.
When you listen first, your lectures turn into dialogues.
Give them in fantasy what they want in reality: “Yeah, wouldn’t it be great if your homework just did itself?”
This may sound corny but it’s less about the facts and more about the approach. It keeps things light. It’s a response that implies you’re on their side. It deflects and distracts instead of escalating.
Instead of giving orders, describe the problem.
Orders just creat resentment and resistance. Instead, describe the problem.
Instead of threats or orders, offer a choice.
They want autonomy. So give them a choice where either option meets your needs.
Instead of being a dictator, be a human being. Be funny instead of combative.